I want to talk to you so bad. I miss you so fucking much. Everyday. This weekend was the first drill weekend that I didn’t stay with you. I’ve stayed on post before I met you but it was so hard for me this time because I would stop for a second and think about how much I wished I was in your fucking room with you or watching you cook on the grill for me. I cried every night. I couldn’t help it. Even now I can’t fucking help it. I don’t know why but I can’t forget you. I miss the way you looked at me and the way you held me. I was so safe with you and there really isn’t any other place I would rather be than in your arms, against your chest.
I miss your body hair. And your adorable little belly you were trying to get rid of. Every feature of you is perfect to me. I love everything about you. I miss everything about you. I hate being away from you so much and I want nothing more than to run to you and hug you and never let go.
What did that picture mean? What could I have said to that? After the way things ended, how could I possibly talk to you and reach out for you again?
I want to see you again so bad. I want to talk to you but I don’t know how. But I’m so tired of being distant and not having you in my life. Fuck. Somehow I am still unable to get you out of my head. I do anything and I get a flash of your hand on my leg when you would reach back to hold me while we rode on your motorcycle. Flash! Your arms around me in your kitchen. Flash! Your hand grabbing mine, not letting me go when I would try to get up at night to pee. Flash! The warmth and scent of your skin when we would cuddle up and watch dirt bike videos, Death Note, or SAO. Flash! Us holding hands walking out of the bathroom together. I don’t want anyone else.
Adam, no one compares to you and I can’t even dream of replacing you.
"So baby drive slow
‘til we run out of road in this one horse town
I wanna stay right here in this passenger’s seat
You put your eyes on me
In this moment now capture it, remember it
Cause I don’t know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me head first
And I don’t know why but with you I’d dance in a storm in my best dress
Fearless” - “Fearless” by Taylor Swift
This song reminds me of you every time. I can remember looking at you from the passengers seat in your truck and falling in love with you all over again and thinking that I would never forget the way I felt in that moment as long as I lived. I miss the way you would push me to do things I wouldn’t normally have done on my own. You challenged me in the most beautiful ways. It feels like my heart is reaching through my chest, grasping and clawing for you and you’re not here. The hurt from missing you comes in waves but at the end of the day, I always wish that I could be with you, cuddling with you in your bed and feeling your love for me radiating off of you. Fuck, I can’t keep doing this to myself. I have to stop thinking about you.
Wore your socks to bed last night. #cantforgetyou
Twenty weeks old Gray wolf pups (Canis lupus) from the Sawtooth pack
Pictures by Jim and Jamie Dutcher
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.
- At the end of the day it’s the little things. (via offtheocean)